You may be surprised to hear that most women aren’t looking for the body or staying power of a professional movie star.
In fact, if you can go all night we’re going to think there’s something wrong with us.
The scenes you see in online videos are acting, not real life, and they don’t portray what real women want.
For us, there are other more important aspects of sex than pure staying power. So with that in mind, here are 4 golden rules you should consider if you want her to keep coming back for more.
1) Foreplay begins before you get undressed
If asked, most of us would say that we wanted more foreplay. It often seems to us that men think of foreplay as a warm up to the main event, and try to do as little of it as possible.
This is a mistake when it comes to pleasing a girl in bed because foreplay is one of the most enjoyable aspects of sex for women. Men are able to reach orgasm much more quickly than women, so foreplay gives us time to get to the same point as you.
There are many forms of foreplay, so ask us what feels good if you’re not sure. If we’re not into what you’re doing then try something else; everyone is different and one woman may not like the same moves as another.
And it may be obvious and off-putting to some women if we think you’re just trying some ‘tricks’ you know pleased previous women, and aren’t paying attention to whether or not we actually like it.
Foreplay for women can start in the morning or afternoon. Anticipation is exciting so suggest watching a film together or offer to cook. This attention will put us in the right frame of mind and we’ll spend the day thinking about an evening together.
If you can remember to send your partner a text message saying how much you’re looking forward to spending time with her, then you’re practically guaranteed a great night.
This type of build up is all foreplay and one of the best ways to turn a woman on. In fact, if you begin with her imagination before even attempting to remove articles of clothing then you’re off to a great start.
2) Know where the clitoris is
Let’s move on to the female anatomy. This isn’t a science lesson, but if you don’t know what’s what on the female body and where it’s located, then we’re going to be disappointed with you.
If you want to know how to satisfy a woman in bed properly, you need to know exactly where to focus your attention. We want and expect men to be educated in this respect.
Unless you’ve been living in a monastery all your life, I shouldn’t need to tell you that women usually need clitoral stimulation to climax, and the clitoris isn’t located inside the vagina!
Yes, penetrative sex feels good, but it won’t get us there like it will for a man. A girl needs clitoral stimulation, so don’t be afraid to use your hands or give your lady oral sex.
It can also come from shifting positions and incorporating different moves. For example, the figure of eight with your hips – just ask your partner what feels good, and keep doing it.
Keep in mind that you shouldn’t shift positions too often; women need to take their time over a build up of sensations. It’s fine to experiment and change positions at first, but if you find a position that’s stimulating her in all the right ways, then keep doing exactly the same thing.
Don’t rob her of the build-up to an orgasm just because you think you’ve been in the same position for too long. This really is key to satisfying a woman in bed – don’t make her think you’re going to give her an orgasm and then take it all away!
3) Compliment her
When it comes to feeling confident in the bedroom, we really need to be told how great we look, feel, smell and anything else you can think of.
Being naked and having all those bumps and lumps exposed can make us feel self-conscious and stop us from enjoying sex.
There are so many outside pressures to look great that women carry that ‘body perfect’ pressure into the bedroom.
You can blame movies and super-models for any inhibitions we have. We need you to counteract our critical opinions of our own bodies and reassure us that we look good.
Earlier I mentioned that foreplay begins way before any touching, so just keep in mind that if we catch you drooling over perfectly airbrushed women in men’s magazines, we’ll feel that we can’t live up to those expectations.
If you can’t prevent yourself from drooling over those perfect women, then at least tell us they aren’t a patch on us – we won’t believe you, but secretly we’ll feel good, and therefore we’ll want more sex with you.
4) We love communication
Women undoubtedly worry about different things to men and sex is no different. We want you to tell us if something feels good, and praise how we look and feel.
Take your time over foreplay and learn what works for your partner. Communication in the bedroom is paramount; don’t assume it’s all perfect just because we haven’t complained or demanded something.
You need to ask and talk to us about what we like. You can do this before, during or after sex. There’s no rule about the best time to talk to us about sex.
And you might start something amazing if you develop an open communication about sex between you.
Who knows, you may discover that both of you have been harboring identical secret fantasies. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll never know!
Oh, and one final tip … although communication is important never ever ask us if we’ve come yet. If you need to ask then it hasn’t happened.
Not only does this make it evident that you aren’t paying attention, it piles on the pressure to get there, and there’s no passion killer worse than that.
If this all seems like hard work then bear in mind that the more attention you give to your partner, the more she is going to want to have sex with you, and surely that makes up for the extra attention you might need to start paying.
You might also like
If you’d like more sex tips, my popular article about oral sex is a good place to start. And of course, it’s always worth brushing up on your foreplay skills.
Do you have problems with ejaculating too soon during sex? It’s a common problem that women do understand, but also expect you to work on.
If this is an issue for you, it’s worth taking a look at our overview of premature ejaculation and ways to last longer in bed.